What a Guy Should Do
by L.X.ie
Summary: A weird derp de derp one-shot on what guys should do. Originally it was those stupid list things on a what a boyfriend should do but this fit better. Don't read if you don't want to be illuminated on how 'romantic' the list is. I admit some things are cute but most are ridiculous in my opinion and I kinda make fun of it. :P CS, PS, IKR, ORS If anyone else has a list send it to me!


**A/N: Don't read if you don't want to be disillusioned. I disagree with a lot of this but I do think only a FEW are cute but most are stupid. And there's no particular order I'm just going with what pairing feels like it.**

**1) When she walks away from you mad; follow her/ When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go.**

"Seriously Gary I really don't need this from you right now so _please_ leave me _alone!_" Leaf yelled as she stomped away.

"Aww, come on Leafy. What did I do?" He called as he chased after her, out of the school, arms out beseechingly.

Leaf ran frustrated hands over her face. "It's nothing that _you_ did. I'm having a bad day and I don't need an annoying boy following me when I really just need to be alone." God, she's been having a God-awful day and she needs to cool down by herself before she takes it out on someone but _someone_ won't take a hint and is just making her madder!

He caught her around the shoulders and swung her in a 180. "Leaf, come on tell me what I did."

She blew up.

"For the last time you didn't do anything! What! Are you so egotistical that you think my entire being revolves around you? For the last time leave me alone!" Leaf pushed him back hard enough for him to stagger. Glaring at him he stomped to her car and pulled out of the school's parking lot with a squeal and leaving the stench of burned rubber.

**2) When she stares at your mouth; kiss her.**

Ash was happily eating his lunch in the cafeteria. Lunchtime was by far his most favorite subject of the day. Surrounded by friends, listening to the idle chit chat, and, of course, eating.

In the schools goal to become healthier he took a bite of the new vegetarian lasagna. It wasn't too bad actually, better than the sweet potato fries. In his peripheral vision he noticed his girlfriend Misty shooting looks at him. He didn't pay attention to it at first and kept eating but he kept noticing the looks she gave him.

Her gaze was more directed to the lower half of his face and due to deductive reasoning he concluded that, hey, she's looking at his mouth. Doesn't that mean that girls want a kiss when they look at your mouth? She looked at him again.

Putting down his food he grinned and leaned towards her. Her eyes widened and she leaned back, almost as if she was trying to get away from him. He didn't notice and closed his eyes to kiss his girlfriend but instead of her soft, pink lips his own met something smooth and waxy.

Opening his eyes he saw that he was kissing an apple. Misty, holding the apple, smiled sheepishly behind it. "Sorry, Ash, but you have spinach stuck in between your teeth."

**3) When she pushes you or hits you; grab her and don't let her go.**

"Oh my God, Drew! I'm going to kill you!" May was just about to launch herself at the annoying boy who, not only insulted her, but stole her dessert too! She was going to make sure his eyes were more black than green if she has anything to say!

She was going to beat the crap out of him when three pairs of arms came around her, restraining her. Max was at her legs, and Ash and Brock were holding her arms back. "Run, Drew! Run now!"

**4) When she starts cussing at you; kiss her and tell her you love her.**

Leaf shot the guy hitting on her a scornful look. "Back off dirtbag. I don't need some half- $$ sonofab!%(# pretty boy hitting on me with stupid f^(&#* pick-up lines." The male before her with dark eyes and what he thought of as a charming smile smirked and quickly kissed her on the lips.

He put a hand to his heart and smirked. "I think it's love at first sight. Or first kiss. Want to admit you love me yet?" He was answered with a slap across the face.

**5) When she's quiet; ask her what's wrong/ When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her.**

Dawn was quietly reading her fashion magazine. Paging through the idols and dresses for new ideas when she starts designing. It just so happens to be a passion of hers but she still needs to work on sewing, which is a lot harder than she thought.

Paul, who was sitting at her table and reading an actual book instead of a magazine looked suspiciously at her, considering she hasn't spoken to him since he sat down. Usually whenever he's around he sees her talking or trying to start a conversation, it's unsettling not hearing her inane chatter. Is something wrong? He heard somewhere that when a girl's quiet it means that something is wrong, it's like a known fact.

"How are you?" He tried to tread water carefully, he didn't want a bawling female on his hands. She merely flipped a page responding with an "Okay." Beep. Beep. Beep. 'Okay' is one of the warning words of the female language. Something's wrong.

"What's wrong?" It was meant to come out like a question but it failed to actually sound like there was concern in there. Sounding more gruff and putout.

Dawn looked up at him in surprise. "Nothing's wrong. I was just reading, besides we're in the library, we have to be quiet." As if on cue the librarian shushed them. Dawn raised her brow at him as if to say, "See?" and went back to reading.

**6) When she ignores you; give her your attention.**

"Hey, May." Drew greeted, but no answer came back. He looked at her more closely to check if she wasn't sleeping on her book or something. She thwarted that theory when she turned the page of her history book. "Maaaay~" Still no answer. "Yo, May. May, May, May, May, May, May, May—"

"_What_, Drew!" She snapped, blue eyes sparking. "I'm trying to study for my test next period and you are making really hard to concentrate."

He didn't say anything at first, trying to process the fact that May actually studies. He thought that she just winged it half the time. "Have fun studying." When he turned to leave he felt the distinct feel of an eraser hitting his head.

**7) When she pulls away; pull her back. (A/N: I'm sorry I'm such a bad influence but I have to say it. If you love something set it free; if it comes back to beat you, it is yours Xp)**

Ash pulled hard, Misty pulled back harder. Tightening his grip he jerked the rope between his hands to pull her off balance. Unluckily she stayed standing and just pulled back harder until he stumbled a few steps forward. Glaring at the flag tied to the middle of the rope, he pulled hard. He just needed to pull that flag past the halfway point to his side to win and he won't let it down if he loses to a girl. Granted, it's Misty but she kinda still counts as a girl.

"Just give it up Ketchum!" Misty yelled pulling the flag farther to her side.

"Never!" He pulled on the rope making her stumble a few steps but not enough. They were too evenly matched. That girl is too strong for her own good.

Seeing no other option he pulled and waited till she used a good amount of strength to compensate for the distance lost. At that point he let go, the force of her pull and the abrupt loss of foe to pull against, Misty flew backwards into the pool behind her, making a giant splash large enough for the chlorinated water to splatter against his shirt.

When she bobbed up for air she gasped out. "You're a dead man!"

Ash, knowing he has angered the beast, ran for it.

**8) When you see her at her worst; tell her she's beautiful.**

Gary has seen Leaf at her best, worst, and everything in between, as such things come from being childhood friends. As her childhood friend he also knows what she values, what she's good at, and what she's lacking, as such as being on time. So he wasn't surprised that when he went over to her house to pick her up for the movies she wasn't ready yet. Hair done up in a messy bun, face devoid of makeup, she was even still in her pajamas.

What one main thing she values is honesty and truth. So when she asked him to wait five minutes for her to get ready he said:

"You look like crap."

She merely scoffed and threw a sarcastic thank you over her shoulder as she closed the door to her bathroom.

She doesn't have to know he lied.

**9) When you see her crying; hold her and don't say a word.**

May was hiding behind the school, face hidden into her knees. She didn't want anybody seeing her crying over something as stupid as not having a date to the upcoming school dance. Although it wasn't really a matter of not having a date but more of the date she wanted didn't want her.

She sensed somebody coming around to find her. She didn't turn her head to look at him, she knew it was him that would be finding her, but continued to ignore him. She heard the rustle of fabric as he slid down the wall next to her. He didn't say anything but just let her cry. After a while he set his hand on her shoulder.

**10) When you see her walking; sneak up and hug her waist from behind.**

It was purely coincidence that Ash happened to be walking by himself to see his girlfriend walking with her friend. He didn't plan it and she didn't notice him. Feeling sneaky he crossed the street until he was silently walking behind her. She was still in deep conversation with her friend occasionally laughing or smiling.

She didn't know what hit her when suddenly she felt two arms snake around her waist from behind. When she was younger she took self-defense classes and the moves came flooding into her mind in less than a second. Some things the body never forgets. Drawing back her elbow she drove it into the assailant's sternum. She heard a grunt and the grip loosened. She took an arm and twisted under it, using her momentum she propelled the attacker's weight forward while using her foot to kick his foot back to force him to lose balance. After flipping him to the concrete sidewalk she finally saw the identity of her assaulter.

Her boyfriend, Ash, was on the ground groaning holding his stomach.

**11) When she's scared; protect her.**

Dawn knew she shouldn't have let Paul choose what movie they were going to watch. Really? A horror film? She wanted to watch something a little more uplifting, maybe something animated with singing animals, not blood and guts and zombies running around taking bites out of people.

She was hiding behind the jumbo popcorn bin that she got, making sure her eyes were hidden during the scary parts, but that didn't mean she couldn't hear every scream, gurgle, and creepy bird-of-prey like screech the zombies made when they attacked!

Paul didn't seem to have a problem, not even flinching when the crazy zombies climbed up the wall and started raining down on the once-safe citizens like a thunderstorm. She thrust the popcorn into his arms and hid behind his back, her hands covering her ears.

**or**

Dawn was watching the new zombie movie with Paul. She leaned forward during the airplane scene when the yappy dog found a zombie on the plane and the protagonist blew it up to get rid of the zombies that it infected, when a covering shielded her eyes.

Taken aback she leaned back and took Paul's hand from her eyes, giving him a quizzical look. "What the heck Paul? I don't need to be coddled. It's just a movie, geeze give me the benefit of the doubt." She turned back to the movie completely ignoring the overprotective oaf next to her.

**12) When she lays her head on your shoulder; tilt her chin up and kiss her.**

Leaf was so abnormally tired. She normally wasn't but today she was for whatever reason. Gary could see it and on her behalf was relieved when school finally was let out. At her house they were watching some movie on abc family and her head drooped onto his shoulder. He considered moving her but that would be rude, and her head just fit so perfectly in the crook of his neck.

Cautiously watching her he gave into temptation and tilted her chin up to give her a tender kiss. Sleepily he felt her reciprocate. His lips started to twitch into a grin until she murmured something in her sleep.

"Mmm, Red."

Face heating, he dropped her head back onto his shoulder and looked back to the screen, not really seeing anything. Something hit him on the side of his head with enough force to tilt his head to the other side.

"That's what you get for trying to kiss me in my sleep, douche. Next time tell me you want to kiss me instead of waiting until I am asleep and kiss-rape me like a creeper."

**13) When she steals your favorite hat; let her keep it and sleep with it for the night.**

"Come on Misty; give me back my hat." Ash beseeched.

She gave him a smirk with her eyes dancing with mirth. "Nah, I don't think so." She took her hair out, letting the orange locks fall around her shoulders and fitting his hat on her head.

**14) When she teases you; tease her back and make her laugh/ tease her and let her tease you back/ When she bumps into you; bump into her back and make her laugh.**

Rolling her eyes, May commented: "You're such a jerk."

Drew gives her a teasing smile. "Yeah, but you love me anyway." He tugs on a lock of shiny brown hair. She swats his hand away playfully.

"That's up for debate." She bumps into him gently and almost trips as the toe of her shoe found a raised edge of cement on the sidewalk. He steadies her with a hand to her upper arm.

"Clumsy as always." He bumps her back a little harder than she did.

"Oh, shut up you." She bumps him harder.

Soon the couple was bumping each other back and forth harder and harder until Drew bumps her a little too hard and sends her careening to the side and into the neighbor's bushes.

"May?" He asks. "Are you okay?"

Not bothering to get up from her bush nest she responds. "I blame you for this."

**15) When she doesn't answer for a long time; reassure her that everything's okay.**

Drew was waiting for May's answer for a while and she still hasn't answered, she just stared out of the window. Is something wrong? Something's gotta be wrong, when a girl's quiet all hell will break loose if you don't do something.

"May?" He placed a hand on hers that was resting on her lap. "Don't worry it's going to be okay."

She finally turns to him with a confused frown. "What do you mean? Oh, do you mean my history grade? Yeah, it's fine, B+, I guess I just spaced out and forgot to answer you." She laughed at her forgetfulness. Drew just shook his head at himself.

**16) When she looks upon you with doubt; back yourself up.**

"You liar!" Leaf screamed at him.

"I'm not a liar! I have an alibi! Seriously, Leaf, you'd think that after all this time we'd have some trust between us." He crossed his arms and looked at her disappointedly.

She did not lessen the accusing glare at him. "I would not trust that alibi if it was the pope himself. You have an impeccable talent to make people to go along with what you have to say." She pushed him. "Confess!"

He let her push him. "For the last time I didn't do it!"

"Oh yeah? Then what's this?" Her hand found it's way to his face wiping something from the corner of his mouth.

Holding up her thumb was the evidence she needed. A dark brown streak was swiped across her thumb.

"You ate my chocolate chip cookies!"

**17) When she says she likes you; she really does more than you could understand.**

Paul was outside waiting for his brother to pick him up when his, sorta-friend came up to stand next to him. He looked at her from the corner of his eye to see that she was already looking at him. She didn't look away shyly or coquettishly flirt with her eyelashes but just looked at him with honest truth.

The smile she gave him almost made him smile in return. "I like you."

He was startled and was going to ask her to elaborate but she escaped into her mom's minivan.

**18) When she grabs your hand; hold hers and play with her fingers.**

Drew was distracted looking at the person walking with him home. She had an odd hairstyle, her chestnut brown hair sticking to the side in impromptu pigtails that had to be held in by insane amounts of hair gel, yet it was still soft to touch. Her eyes were a clear, crystalline blue that always seemed so innocent when he looked at her but when provoked always ready for a fight. She had a round, babyish face with a button nose and seven freckles dotting it that, yes, he was so entranced with that sometimes he found that he counted them daily.

He didn't know what he thought but when she grabbed his hand all he could think of that it was so soft and he just wanted to examine her hands, the dips and lines, holding her hand. His thoughts were cut short by the sharp tug she gave him, making him stagger toward her.

She let go of his hand, making him lose his chance to hold her hand and play with her fingers. "Sorry, you were kinda spacey and were about to walk into that light post."

She pointed to said light post and distantly he found himself thanking her offhandedly while thinking about holding her hand.

**19) When she tells you a secret; keep it safe and untold.**

"Okay Ash, I need to tell you a secret. Come 'ere." Misty gestured for him to come closer. When he was close enough she whispered it into his ear. She leaned back. "Now don't tell _anyone_ especially my sisters. Okay?"

He curtly nodded. "Gotcha."

A short time later he was in Misty's kitchen eating her out of house and home. As he was filling himself with their leftover lasagna one of her sisters, the one with the blonde hair, Daisy was it? Came into the kitchen like a woman on a mission.

Sweetly she beamed at him. "Hello Ash, what did Misty tell you earlier?"

Not paying attention he shrugged. "Just some stupid sale downtown at a shop you guys like." His eyes widened as he slapped a hand over his mouth.

Patting him on the shoulder she makes her exit. "Thanks, Ash, you've been helpful. Girls we're going shopping!" She shouted to her other siblings.

After she left Misty came in. "God, Mist. I'm so sorry! It just slipped out."

She shrugged delicately. "I know. You can never keep a secret Ash Ketchum, that's why I told you. This way they're out of the house so they can't tell me to clean the pool."

**20) When she looks at you in your eyes; don't look away until she does.**

May briefly met his eyes and she didn't look away. She kept staring into his eyes with her clear blue ones. He read somewhere that you connect with someone through their eyes. Solidad always tells him that the eyes are windows to the soul and that you should look people in the eyes when speaking, especially a girl. So he kept her stare. Neither one of them looked away from each other, blue dueling with green.

Finally May blinked, losing the contact.

"Shoot! I lost!"

Drew blinked himself. Three times. "What? You lost?"

"Yeah, we were having a staring contest right?"

**21) When she misses you; she's hurting inside/ When you break her heart; the pain never really goes away/ When she says its over; she still wants you to be hers.**

Gary slid into the chair next to Leaf. "Hey, Leafy. Miss me?"

She looked at him quizzically. "No why would I miss you? We were just here yesterday, that's what school is for."

Gary leaned back, taken…well… aback. "I was gone for three weeks. At that school field trip for Spain." His voice was disbelieving.

Leaf's eyes widened. "Oh, sorry I guess I never noticed." Her reaction was too real for it to be faked. She really didn't notice. He thought that when he broke up with her before he left she would miss him somewhat. That she would want him back. She was over him. He guessed that when she said that it was over so carelessly she meant it.

**22) Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.**

Paul was on the phone with his girlfriend Dawn listening to her chatter on and on. He didn't need to speak with her around and he usually was just content to let her babble.

He may have zoned off because when he realized that he wasn't listening to her was because he couldn't hear her. The other end of the phone was dead silent. Maybe she fell asleep? Wouldn't be the first time. Nor would it be the first time that she just randomly wanted to be quiet to contemplate life or something.

Just when he was about to ask her if she was still on the door to his room opened. He was about to yell at his brother about privacy before realizing that it was Dawn.

With a half smile she tilted her head at him. "What are you still doing on the phone? I told you I'd come over."

**23) Call her at 12am on her birthday to tell her you love her.**

Ash waited impatiently for the clock to strike exactly midnight. At midnight it officially turns into Misty's birthday and he wants to be the first to say happy birthday to her.

11:59

12:00

Finally. Quickly speed dialing her cell phone he waited for her to pick up. After the third ring she picked up with a groggy, "What,"

"Happy Birthday Mist!"

He heard some shuffling on the other side of the phone. "Ash, do you know what time it is? It's midnight. I'm going to bed. Tell me in the morning at a _decent_ time."

The tone of a hung up phone rang in his ear.

**24) Give her the world.**

"It's impossible to give me the world, idiot." Leaf commented without even glancing at him.

"Au contraire, it is entirely possible. Here this is the world." He placed one of those stress balls in the shape of the world on her textbook.

She picked it up and turned to him, a smile playing at the edge of her lips. "Nice job, smartass."

**25) Let her wear your clothes.**

Leaf and Gary were on the school steps watching the new couple of May and Drew be all lovey dovey.

"It was a long time coming." Gary said.

"It was, it was." Leaf concurred. "They're so cute they're sickening now. I still love them, great friends and all, but they kinda want me to go to the dentist to check for cavities."

May shivered in the November air and Drew chivalrously wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. She beamed up at him while he acted like the weather didn't affect him at all in his black turtleneck, tucking his hands in his pants pockets.

Gary made a hand gesture in the air like he was drawing a line with the flat of his hand. "Cl~assic guy move. Get the girl to wear your jacket. Basically telling all guys that she's off limits."

Leaf pondered on that. Finally she said. "So he basically just peed on her?"

**26) When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's butt am I kicking, Sweet?"**

If anything in life taught him anything is that Leaf isn't a crier. At least it's really hard to make her cry. So when she came up to him with tears in her eyes he immediately was alarmed.

"Who's butt am I kicking, Sweet?"

Her face scrunched up with disgust at the pet name he impulsively gave her. "Unless you want to open a can of butt-whoop on an onion be my guest."

**A/N: Aaaanyway. I was stuck so I decided to do this. I'm sorry ****I'll Break Your Heart ****that I didn't do your requested one-shot in October like I thought but I'll try to do it. I might take a break from TGC to give myself some space and one-shots would be easier right now until I get everything in.**

**This was totally random and a much needed distraction to be honest.**

**Random fact: I **_**was**_** going to say "Basically telling the guys that she's off limits and looking sweet in front of the girl." But then the pee thing would be weird but male porcupines ****pee**** on the female to get her…ready…so to speak. Just thought I would throw that in there. I was talking about how dogs mark their territory by peeing on it…**


End file.
